Example 1:
Wrong:
"That's so funny," she laughed.
A person can not "laugh" a sentence (or sigh it) - they say it.
Corrected:
"That's so funny," she said, laughing.
Example 2:
Wrong:
"Hello there Sally." He said.
There are three things wrong with this (other than the actual content itself).
1) Whenever another character is being addressed, a comman needs to be placed before their name.
2) If the dialogue has a tag, it shouldn't end in a period. It should end in a comma (or possibly an exclamation mark - although this sort of punctuation should be used sparingly).
3) "He said" should not be capitalized.
Corrected:
"Hello there, Sally," he said.
Example 3:
Wrong:
Jane folded her arms across her chest.
"What's your problem?" she asked.
"You know what my problem is."
So, who said what? Describing character action is a great way to avoid using dialogue tags (sometimes they get overwhelming), but the action needs to be in the same line as the dialogue so that the reader knows who is talking.
Corrected:
Jane folded her arms across her chest. "What's your problem?" she asked.
"You know what my problem is."
Example 4:
Wrong:
"That dress was made for you," the salesman cajoled.
This isn't technically "wrong", but as a reader, it is a pet peeve of mine. When done correctly, dialogue tags should be invisible. This doesn't mean that a writer can't deviate from the standard "said", but tags which draw attention to themselves should generally be avoided. And anyways, isn't it always better to show whatever it is you wanted to convey through the tag anyways?
Corrected:
"That dress was made for you," the salesman said.
Want to know more about writing dialogue? Check out Janice Hardy's blog for lots of great posts on the topic.
What dialogue issues have you struggled with or come across while critiquing?
I am very new to this idea that "said" is the only word that should be used (I know that's now what you're saying in the post, though), and I don't like it. I think a variety of words is good, as long as they don't - as you said - draw too much attention.
ReplyDeleteRecently, I have tried to remove tags where I can, and I think it reads better without them, so long as it is clear who is speaking.
I think it's fine to use other words too, but "said" should be the most commonly used tag (imo). And I have noticed that I sometimes use an adverb or funky dialogue tag as a shortcut instead of doing the work to show the same thing through the actual dialogue or character actions.
DeleteThere's so much advice out there though, and a lot of it conflicts with what's actually been done in published material. In the end, I think the writer has to go with their instinct on a lot of these things because you really can't please everyone :)
I'm with Kyra in that I'm new to the line of thinking that said is the best dialogue tag to be used. I've also been removing unneeded tags and trying different ways to make it clear who is speaking, like describing the action around the speaker.
ReplyDeleteThese are some great tips.
Describing the action around the speaker is always a good way to avoid some tags, but it can be overdone too. There are so many things to watch out for, haha. Gah!
Deletegreat advice! i was surprised when i learned about said, but notice it in books you read. the frilly speaking verbs can be shown in a better way, as in facial expressions and body language, she said with a satisfied grin =)
ReplyDeleteIt was one of those things I didn't even think about when I started writing and I think it's because the tags really are invisible in most books I've read.
DeleteGood lesson on dialogue. I also liked your advice on critiques. We need them. We also need to find the right people to be with in critique groups.
ReplyDeletePlay off the Page
Yes! Getting the right critique group together is so important.
DeleteYah - happy dance - I knew all of these. :D I'be been doubting my grammar a bit lately because someone keeps putting doubts in my head about it. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteHappy Hump Day!
My D
yay :) Love it when that happens (the confirmation part, not the doubting part, haha)
DeleteGreat examples! It's funny--I'm so able to point out dialogue errors in other people's writing, but it takes me a while to catch it in my own. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's always easier to find the mistakes in other people's work for me too! But, pointing it out in someone else's work also sometimes helps me to see the same mistake in my own writing.
DeleteThis post is a great reminder to go back and check these things when rewriting. I've tried to make sure I don't do them when writing, but sometimes when you get going things just slip through!
ReplyDeleteMy main problem is with #1 ... it's like I know deep down that technically speaking it doesn't work ... but I just love the way it sounds when I read constructions like that!! I love it when characters "laugh" sentences etc. When I watch real people I feel like often that is the most elegant way to describe how they "said" something. However I know agents/editors don't feel the same way, so I always have to catch myself when I do this in my WIP.
I'm just the same! I have to carefully re-read all of my dialogue tags during editing to make sure I catch these even though I try not to let them slip in there in the first place. It's strange how natural it seems to write "....," she laughed.
Delete